The Ugly Truth About Anxiety

The Ugly Truth About Living With Anxiety

"She Believed She Could, So She Did"

How I made it out alive under the weight of my own anxiety. 

The word anxiety does not begin to explain what I have lived with for the last 32 years. One of the very first times I remember having a panic attack I was 6.  Everything around me started moving really fast.  I was still, but everything started whirling around me. I was playing in my room and singing a song to myself, and I remember the words seemed to be coming faster than I was actually singing them.   I tried to close my ears and sing slower, but like a ride at the fair, the words in my head just keep coming faster and faster.  Then my heart started racing, and that's when I ran to get my mom to tell her what had happened to me. By the time my 6-year-old self got to a point that I could explain what happened to her, all I could tell her was, "Everything just got so fast, I just wanted it to be normal again."

She probably thought I was nuts.  Well, maybe I was.  This same scenario continued to happen to me over and over again. There were so many times throughout my life that spinning dizzy feeling plagued me.  Lots of times it was a vague feeling like you were about to "pass out."  Maybe I was just worried that I was going to pass out, or honestly just worried that someone would notice that something was wrong with me and it would cause unnecessary attention to myself. Sometimes it would be kicked off my things that were actually worthy of being nervous about (giving a speech, going in a crowd), but most often, they would come at times when I shouldn't have had anything to worry about at all. Everywhere I went, it followed right behind me.  It was a shadow that never disappeared. 

I hid every bit of this from everyone I knew.  In fact, my own family "didn't believe in anxiety." Like that was some sort of choice.  I eventually just stopped telling people and dealt with it the best I could. Oddly enough, the more assertive I was, the better I felt. I was on the dance team, participated in sports, even gave a Valedictorian speech at graduation. Every time I was able to make through something like that without passing out or panicking or doing whatever I thought was going to happen to me when I had a panic attack, I felt just a little bit stronger.  

I struggled in college too, with only a few close friends knowing my secret. The stress of constantly moving from dorm to apartment, with new roommates every year made things so much worse. I was a nomad. The uncertainty of my living situations and constant change really made my anxiety so much worse. I wanted so badly to be in control of my life, and the truth is that I had never felt so out of control. 

At this point, I had never even thought about the possibility of medications, but I came from a family where you didn't take medication for your problems. Heck, you didn't even get glasses if you couldn't see, those were just the eyes that God gave you and you just made the best you could with what you had.  Like a lot of people I saw medication as a crutch or some sort of an admission that something was wrong with you, only because that's how I had been raised. 

Finally, I meet Josh, who is now my husband. Turns out, as much as I like to get on to him for being a stick in the mud,  he was the stick in the mud I needed to help me get back on solid ground.   I got away from people in my life that were toxic. At the time, I felt like I had lost my friends. I felt alone. Looking back though, the people that were in my life were making my anxiety issues worse by constantly expecting me to be someone who I wasn't.  Although it hurt at the time, that is the single best thing that ever happened to me was to cleanse myself of people that couldn't accept me for me. 

I did end up starting medication, that I continue to take to this very day.    Here is a couple of things that 32 years of living with anxiety has taught me. 

1. You never GET OVER IT, you just learn to live with it

2. Normal is just a setting on the washing machine

3. Medication is not a crutch or a sign that something is wrong with you. Depression and Anxiety are diseases. Just like other diseases- sometimes they are best managed with daily medications. 

4. Some people are just wired a little tighter, God made us that way for a reason.  Just accept that you are not ever going to be laid back. That's okay. Someone will love you for who you are. 

5. Toxic people need to go. They bring you down in ways you can't even see until it's too late. Forgive them, don't dwell on it, and move on. 

So, when I look at this- I see some much more than a beautiful design with the words in it.  I see the last 32 years of my struggle with anxiety.  I see the 6-year-old girl that was in her room with everything going too fast that just wanted it all to be normal again. We made this shirt to celebrate our business, and to celebrate ourselves.  It has taken me such a long time, but I can finally say I have found my happy place. 

I Know I Taught My Kid Better Than This

I have to let you all know about the latest situation in my house. You may either sympathize with me and have similar horror stories, or wonder what I am doing wrong as a parent. Either way, here is the current state of affairs at my house. 

At some point, my 6-year-old son has decided that wiping his butt after he poops is now optional.  I discovered this after I helped him get his shower, (which because he is 6, I mostly supervise). I was going to check out a bite on his leg where he got a jellyfish bite at the beach last week and I catch a whiff of something funky....like stale a$$.  I know that's not ladylike, but y'all know what I'm talking about.   

This is my face when I discovered my 6 year old hasn't wiped his derriere for a week

So I proceed to do what any good momma would do, and I go straight for the buttcheeks, and right there before God and everyone else, is my 6-year-old son's dirty stinky butt crack. Mind you, I merely supervised the shower, so I did not physically peel his butt cheeks apart in the shower and clean them, but I know that I have taught him how to wipe his behind after he uses the bathroom. 

So I start to quiz him about the situation, and he starts getting pretty vague about things. First, he tells me that he doesn't remember if he has pooped lately. Then he says he doesn't know if he wiped his butt or not.  At this point, guilt is written all over his face.  He finally just breaks down and tells me that he thought if you couldn't see your butt, you didn't have to wipe it.....    Seriously?   Like, because you can't get a visual on it, it can smell like a hog barn and it's all good???? Now, I know I taught him better than that!  

Why am I telling you this story? Well, this is one of the many reasons Holly and I created The Medical Mommas. I'm serious- go with me here.

 So after I got him back in the shower and cleaned up, now I have a 6-year-old with a clean very sore butt that is crying that hurts...what do I do?   What do I put on it? There was one point in my life I would not have had any clue what to do either.  We get questions like this all the time from our customers.   This is not exactly something you can run into Walmart and ask the store clerk their advice about.  We are moms though, and we get it.   If you send us an email and say, hey, "my kid won't wipe his butt, and now he has monkey butt, what can I use on that?" We are going to be able to help you out!   

Let me tell you what I did.  I put some Miracle Salve on his behind and in minutes he had already calmed down. In the morning I guarantee it will be better. It has happened before, and unfortunately will probably happen again because apparently, we have not been able to create a formula for stubbornness yet. 

So if you have questions about an issue, please don't hesitate to email us and we will be glad to help you. We have probably been there before, I promise! 

The Closet Cleaning Blues

I was looking in my closet today trying to find something to wear.  I end up putting on 3 different shirts and didn't like a single one of them.  

I know y'all have been there before.  I already had one of the 2 pairs of pants that I own that I can be seen in public in that don't give me a giant muffin top, so that apparel choice was pretty much set, and I just thought to myself.....why do I have all these clothes in here that I don't like?   

It's a valid question....I mean, did I like them at one point?  Did my vision change?      The answer my friends is NO.....  The answer is simple...DENIAL.

  I am living in denial.  So here is what we are going to do.   We are all going to take a deep breath.  We are going to roll on a lot of Chillout Rollerball and we are going to pony up my friends because this closet denial thing does not look good on anyone. 

So here are Tiffany's ways to get over your fears of cleaning out your closet!

Stop Telling Yourself Your "Too Fat"

So naturally, when you are trying to decide if you are going to keep something, you are going to try it on, right?  Well, normally when I do, if it is tight or ill-fitting, the first thing out of my mouth is, "I'm too fat to wear that anymore." Well, that little slogan is counterproductive. It makes you feel bad about yourself, and then somehow tricks you to into thinking that if you will just hold onto something long enough, you can will yourself back into it.

 However, I think a better and more fitting slogan is now going to be-

"THIS NO LONGER FLATTERS ME"  

Think about it, it's the truth.  Sometimes one time in the washer and that super cute sweater turns into something my 3-year-old could wear, am I seriously going to beat myself up about that?  Even if the clothes don't fit anymore because of a change in the shape of your body- so what- would you rather squeeze into something just to prove you can and then have a raging case of camel toe, or actually have a comfortable pair of flattering pants on?

It's Not Coming Back in Style

I am not a particularly trendy person, but even my clothes have some trend to them. Tops get longer, pants get skinnier, boots get shorter. Clothes that I have been clinging onto until I "could fit back into them again" are going to be WAY out of style by the time that I get around to losing that 10lbs that I keep talking about.  If you think the style is going to come back that quick, you are either a yo-yo dieter (no good for your body) or delusional.   Do yourself a favor and make like Elsa and Let It Go.

Even items that are "classics" that never go out of style- most certainly DO go out of style. Believe me, even I know that, and I wouldn't know fashion if it hit me with the broad side of a barn.  You know what's never in style...a camel toe.  Try to wear last year’s pants that are about 1-2 sizes too small and look in the mirror and you will see exactly what I am talking about. Even if you are not trendy such as myself- clothes that fit well are always in style.

The $$$$

I look at certain items of clothes and know how much I paid for them, and it pisses me off they don't fit anymore.   Now my husband doesn't know how much I paid or he would need a brown paper sack to breathe into, but we will save that blog for another day.   However, clothes are not like stocks.  They don't hold their value just sitting in your closet.  You pretty much have to consider them valueless the minute you purchase them (that's a good mentality to keep when you are clothes shopping for you shopaholics).   At this point, clothes that do not fit you are only taking up closet real estate and are of no real value to you if you cannot wear them.  (or should not wear them). 

Let's just say you can get past the mental strife of dealing with the fact that certain articles of clothes "No longer flatter you". How to do you make the best of the closet cleanout situation? So, how do you cope?

Sell Your Clothes

Some clothes in good condition can be worth some money. For the most part, this is worth it if they are brand name items that people can search for on places like eBay or Craigslist. Boutique clothes might be easier to sell on local sights like a Facebook for sale site, but make sure you include plenty of pictures, sizes, and the condition of your item.

THIS IS ALOT OF WORK, so I would only suggest this for higher dollar items to make it worthy of the time it takes to list and photograph them. People on sites like these are searching for keywords- like brand names, sizes, colors, etc. So when you list your items use as many keywords in your listings as possible so they can be found. 

Donate Your Clothes

1. There are tons of super worthy causes out there that would love for you to donate to them. Goodwill, St Vincent de Paul, Salvation Army, The Red Cross, or check with your local church or mission house. Most all of these are tax-deductible, but you need to check your local tax laws and get a receipt for your taxes.  Plus there is the added benefit of knowing that you are helping people in need, so that's always a win-win situation. 

Have a Swap Party

1. Clean your closet out - clothes, jewelry, shoes- (anything that just doesn't FLATTER you anymore).  

2. Have your friends do the same- all shapes and sizes are welcome- you never know what goodies people are hiding in their closets. 

3. Set up a low-key swap party- set out all the goodies arranged loosely by size-everyone is free to browse, try on, and take something if they like it. 

4. There is no limit to what you can take or you don't have to take anything at all. What is left at the end of the night gets donated to charity.  Even if you don't find anything you love, you have had a good night with friends and your closet is clean. (If you want to set rules up for your swap you can, but I would much rather just have a fun low key night and try on clothes and see what looks good on everyone.)

Think back to a time you have cleaned out your closet before.  Have you ever truly missed any items you have given away?   I know I haven't.  I honestly never gave anything I tossed out a second thought.  

As I gather thoughts for the new year, this will be my first conquest! 

Awesome Protein Breakfast Balls

If you are like me, you grew up in an era in which Little Debbie cakes were a perfectly acceptable breakfast item.  My typical breakfast choices as a child ranged between a Fudge Round if life was good, a Zinger if things were still going to be okay, and if there was already some bad juju karma in my house that morning, I might just have to settle for a Poptart.  

At no point and time did anyone in the late 80's or early 90's worry about sending their kids to school with a nutritious breakfast. We were going to "run it off" anyway.  To top it off, I usually drank a Mountain Dew or a Surge (remember that stuff?) No wonder everyone from my generation is turning up with diabetes. 

So, now that I am in my 30's and I have children of my own,  I have decided it is time for me to stop eating like a child... I have got to figure out what to eat for breakfast!  Now, there are choices out there like bacon and eggs, or oatmeal, but that is a SIT DOWN breakfast.   I am a full time working mother that commutes 40 minutes each way to work.  There is no time for sit down ANYTHING in my house in the mornings.  I have to have something that is literally GRAB AND GO.  I mean that in the most literal way possible. If I have to do any preparation to it, you can pretty much forget it.  

People have mentioned to me to try protein shakes. I have done it, and there are honestly very few I am in love with.  Maybe I am not trying the right ones, or not doing the right things, but really it's more of a texture thing for me.  I really just want to eat my meals, not drink them.  Most of the protein drinks kind of make me feel like I've drank some sort of liquid chalk that is going to be in my throat until I barf if back up at some point. I think I'll pass. 

So, I have found a recipe for these chocolate peanut butter ENERGY BALLS that I love!  To be fair, they are still not 100% super healthy for someone that is on a low carb or no carb diet, but they are a hell of a lot healthier than the other stuff that I had been eating on my way to work (ie- a Hostess Cupcake, a Fudge Round, :(     So, I want to share with you the recipe. It's very customizable, you can add and subtract ingredients depending on preference and allergies, and also you might be able to cut back a little on some of the yummy stuff in here and make them a bit more healthy, but I'm on the baby step plan right now people. 

No Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Energy Balls

• 4 cup(s), Old-Fashioned Rolled Oats
• 1 cup(s), Brown Flax, Ground
• 1 tbsp(s), Vanilla extract
• 2 Scoop, Soy Protein Chocolate
• 1 cup(s), Creamy Peanut Butter
• 1 1/3 cup(s), Mini Semi-sweet Chocolate Chips
• 1 cup, Honey

 

Combined all ingredients and mix well. Refrigerate for 20-30 minutes to make them easier to roll. Roll them into 1 inch balls.  This recipe makes about 40 balls.

Nutrition Facts
Servings 40.0
Amount Per Serving
calories 153
% Daily Value *
Total Fat 7 g	11 %
Saturated Fat 2 g	10 %
Monounsaturated Fat 0 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 1 g
Trans Fat 0 g
Cholesterol 0 mg	0 %
Sodium 38 mg	2 %
Potassium 32 mg	1 %
Total Carbohydrate 20 g	7 %
Dietary Fiber 2 g	8 %
Sugars 13 g
Protein 4 g	8 %
Vitamin A	0 %
Vitamin C	0 %
Calcium	2 %
Iron	5 %
* The Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet, so your values may change depending on your calorie needs. The values here may not be 100% accurate because the recipes have not been professionally evaluated nor have they been evaluated by the U.S. FDA.

PS: For this particular recipe, I chose soy protein because I have not had luck with whey protein being kind to my belly in the past. You could honestly use any type of protein you wanted.  I have also seen these with chia seeds added and/or things like raisins, but raisins give me trust issues. This recipe is the one I have been loving, so go wild and add something if you want homies. 

Until next time!

Tiffany 

The Starfish Story

When I became a Physician Assistant 10 years ago, I had to go through a year of "clinical training."  Basically that meant, that every 6 weeks, I would move to another clinic or hospital with another preceptor (PA, Nurse Practitioner, or MD) that would teach me and let me follow them around.

Most of the time, I didn't know a soul, had no idea how to do anything, or where anything was, and felt generally lost.   By the time I started feel like I had gotten my bearings, it was time to move on to the next rotation. 

Some of my preceptors were willing to teach me, but some were not as willing or happy to have me around.  I was young and ready to learn.  I imagine they were not happy to have me following their every step.  I try to remember this each time a take on a PA or NP student.  

It's a rough year.  It's like having a brand new job every 6 weeks that you are not paid for, and you are rarely wanted.  Most of the time, you are offered little to no training, because you are not someone who is going to be around for the long-haul.  It was probably one of the roughest and most rewarding years of my life. 

I got very lucky.  My very first preceptor was an very sweet man, and he took the time to teach me how things were done.  Although I had spent the entire first year of PA school studying hard, I came out of school with not the slightest idea of how to write a hospital progress note or many other basic skills.   Late one evening, he sat down with me and showed me the correct way to write a progress note on a scrap piece of paper.  

I still have that scrap piece of paper.   I have spent the last 10 years working in internal and hospital medicine, and since that day, I have probably written thousands of hospital progress notes.   I will never forget the kindness of those 10 minutes it took him to sit down and explain to me something that I would use for the next 10 years. 

At the end of my rotation, I wanted to give him a gift.  I didn't have a lot of money at that time, but I framed a picture of "The Starfish Story" and gave it to him.  I glued a small starfish to the frame.  

Then I made one for myself.   Looking back, it looks like something an elementary school child might have made, but that's okay.  

If you have read "The Starfish Story," you realize that what I was trying to tell him is that

HE MADE A DIFFERENCE FOR ME.

 As a teacher or healthcare provider, you spend a great majority of your life trying to reach people that seem unreachable. It is frustrating and hard, and there are days where you wonder if anything you do makes a difference at all.   There are days I still come home and wonder why I chose to do this profession.  Those are the days that I come home and read the story that I framed over 10 years ago to remind myself that my job is worth it, even if I only help one person. 

So, thank you Dr Adams. You are a kind man with a good heart.  You threw me into the water when I had washed ashore. You made a difference to me. In turn, I have spent my life trying to make a difference to others. 

~Tiffany Bailey PA-C 

"The Starfish Story" 

While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young man paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

The old man smiled, and said, “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?”

To this, the young man replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, “But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young man listened politely. Then he bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it into the back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said,

“It made a difference for that one.”

Adapted from the original story by Loren Eiseley

Kids and Summertime Electronics

Summer is here! For kids that means, NO SCHOOL, NO HOMEWORK, and most of all NO REGIMEN. This turns my house (which is already a circus), in to an absolute cluster. The problem is, although the schedule changes for the kids, it really doesn't change that much for mom and dad. We still work every single day. Add to that, baseball season ramps up, so then we are squealing around on two wheels trying to get everyone to practice and games on time. 

Now before you go getting the pre-conceived notion that I am one of these crazy sports parents (well I might be crazy, but that is beside the point), I do not focus my entire life around my kids sporting events. However, I do think that it is important to teach your child that if you make a commitment to anything, whether or not that is a team, a club, a group, or whatever that might be, that you stick with it and show up.

 So, the other morning after the 4th time I had asked my children to put their shoes on so I wouldn't be obscenely late for work, they finally pulled their head out of their "electronic devices" and I got a blank stare from both of them... I had visions of going postal on their iPads. I was thinking circa 1999 Office Space printer melt down. #PCLoadLetter #WTFdoesthatmean. By the way if you have no idea what I am talking about, you have missed out on a really sweet action movie, and I suggest that you rectify this problem immediately.
 

             

When I posted on Facebook about my little daydream about having a psychotic episode on my children's technology, I must not have been alone. Lots of others chimed in with some great idea on how to keep the electronics problem in check, and other contributed some awesome quotes from the movie.  ( All were appreciated.) I wanted to share some of those ideas here, along with some other ways to keep your sanity this summer. 

These are just the rules at my house. Every house is totally different and no two houses will work with the same rules. These are just ideas to start from. 

1. No electronics at the table or while eating. (All food is eaten at the table) Adults are included in this too. I don't think it's fair to ask the children not to have their iPads if I am staring at my phone. (Someone also suggested have a box to put electronics in during meals if this was an issue.)

2. No electronics in the mornings.  I haven't implemented this yet, but I feel it coming. We struggle to get out the door every morning, and half the time it's because I have to ask the kids to do things multiple times to actually get them done. 

3. Keep a schedule, including naps as intact as possible.  Humans are creatures of habit, and we all function better when we are in a routine. As much as we can, we try to keep wake up, nap, and bedtime roughly the same, even in the summer.

4. Replace homework with chores for the summer. So, the whole point of being a parent is to raise your child into being a card carrying member of the working society eventually.  Children need to learn that everyone has to contribute to make a household run.  Because I love y’all, I have made a downloadable chore list that you can print and customize for your children.  Once they complete their chores, then perhaps they can play with their "electronics".    

5. We still keep our night routine the same, by rubbing everyone down with  Sleepytime Cream, spraying the beds with No More Monsters Spray, and we make every attempt to try to get 8 hours of sleep.  Now that my kids are a little older and they will generally sleep through the night (thank goodness, there were about 6 straight years that I don't know if I ever got a solid night of sleep), I cherish every minute of rest that I get.  We all sleep so much better when we keep this routine going!

Chores don't have to be hand scrubbing the floors either, even young kids can do the most basic things just to learn they have to contribute.   Now I know what you are thinking....Why would I want to give my 3 year old a job, when it will take 3 hours to complete and then I will just have to redo it? Well, I totally get the OCD factor, but here are some good links for ages appropriate chore lists.

 https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting-challenges/motivating-kids-to-clean-up/age-appropriate-chores

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/school-thought/201411/age-appropriate-chores-children

BTW...this parent is a #boss

If you have other ideas or ways that you keep your family sane during the summer, we would love to hear them!  Don't keep that stuff to yourself, please share and comment below!

 Here is the chore chart that you can print and customize- Enjoy!

Printable Chore Chart Click Here

 

Customer Service Fail: The Backwards Bathing Suit

Here at the Medical Mommas, we do our best to treat customers like family.  We know that issues will come up from time to time, but our motto is to treat people like we would want to be treated.  At the end of the day, if we do that, everyone is happy.

Just because I love ya'll, and everyone needs a good laugh at my expense,  I am going to share with you this example of how customer service can go horribly wrong.  :)   

It started out when I decided I was going to try to buy what appeared to be a cute bathing suit off an online website.   Granted, it was only about $25, so I didn't know how high quality it would be, but I thought that even if I could wear it for one season that might be worth it. 

I checked out the measuring guide and return policy and decided to order. It took a really long time to get to me- about 2 weeks.   No biggie, I wasn't in a hurry, but when it finally arrived I opened it up to see how it was going to look. 

Now trying on bathing suits is no task for the faint of heart. I had prepared myself that it might not be as flattering as the size 0 model with zero cellulite they had wearing it in the photo, but.....   When I went to pull it up I noticed something was very wrong.    What in the fresh hell was going on?  It was kind of like a thong but not really. Then in the front, it looked like boyshorts almost, but not really covering my lady parts in a way you would like them covered in front of total strangers at a pool. WTF?

I took it off and laid it on my bed and as I looked really hard at it I figured out exactly what the problem was.  It was backward!   The crotch was in the back where the butt should be.  Now, this is a one-piece suit, so clearly, this was not just be doing dumb and putting it on wrong. 

There was another bathing suit I had ordered as well.  It was also a one piece. When I tried it one, the cups came about the level of my ribs.  It was made for a person with a freakishly short torso.  Needless to say, that bad boy wasn't covering up these boobs.  I have one word for you OBSCENE.   Don't nobody want to see all of that! NOBODY. 

So naturally, I emailed the company and told them my predicament to see what the next logical step was to try to correct the issue. 

 

So here is the first email I get back. I love how they offer that I could just keep the suit and give it to my friend.  Hmmm. ladies you are going to have to get in line for this thing or either take turns wearing it, let's not fight about it, there are plenty of days of summer for everyone to see this crotch in the back masterpiece on themselves. 

At this point, I am still trying to be a decent person so I reply back to them below. 

Now keep in mind I am a Physician Assistant working in Internal Medicine.  My off-hand use of the word vagina is honestly just normal everyday conversation for me.  My friend that is a teacher told me that she couldn't believe said that word so easily.  I told her it was probably like her saying the word "pencil."  

So here is what the customer service guru sends me back.

Uh...NO.  How about I already sent you $50 and you sent me 2 deformed bathing suits.  I don't think I will be sending any more money your way.  And your welcome Sophia for the "kind" email, because I am fixing to get unkind, for real. 

Honestly, I felt a little twinge of baby guilt when I sent this. I usually don't speak to grown a$$ adults this way, but seriously, this was getting out of hand.  

So here we go with the next email. 

 

My favorite part of this email is that they will not take it back if it is worn, damaged, washed or "smelled weird".   Seriously, is that even politically correct to say that in 2018?   Honestly, I thought it smelled a little weird when it arrived, but who am I to say what smells weird and what doesn't. 

So I checked on what it would cost to send it back to the address that they told me to send it to....$23 dollars.   The dang thing only cost $25 to start. 

 

At this point, I really had just accepted that I had lost my 50 bucks, because I was sure as shittin not shipping it back to them for another $23, but I figured I might as well see what they had to say since we had already taken it this far. 

Okay, people- Done. Finished. Over It. Bye Phelica. I don't know what you want to call it, but they got me with this one. Maybe it was just the straw that broke the camels back on the backward bathing suit saga?  I was ready to give them my final send-off. 

So friends, let's take this as a lesson in customer service.  Treat people kindly.  If you screw up, it's cool, just make it right.   At the Medical Mommas, we are humans too and we definitely make mistakes, but we promise to never send you a crotchtastically backward bathing suit! 

I Love Bulletproof Coffee

What is bulletproof coffee?

Bulletproof coffee is a drink consisting of brewed coffee, grass-fed unsalted butter and medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) coconut oil.

Bulletproof coffee is mostly popular with people following a high-fat, low-carbohydrate diet or a keto diet.

Why do people drink bulletproof coffee?

Generally, it is meant to be consumed in the morning on an empty stomach. It helps to curb hunger and provide calories without any carbohydrates. Each of the three ingredients has shown health benefits when consumed on their own. These benefits include: 

-Mental alertness

-Great source of Omega 3 Fatty Acids

-Vitamin A, Vitamin E, and Vitamin D

-Antioxidants

-Decreased food cravings

-Weight loss

What in the world is MCT oil?

Commonly extracted from coconut oil, medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) oil contains medium-length chains of fats called triglycerides. Due to their shorter length, MCTs are easily digested and many health benefits are linked to the way your body processes these fats. MCT oil has been shown to increase the release of two hormones that promote the feeling of fullness in the body: peptide YY and leptin. It can also be used by the body without being broken down first, which means immediate fuel for your muscles and brain. MCT oil has also been shown to support weight and fat loss. This may, in turn, help reduce your risk of heart disease.

Butter in my coffee though?

My first thought was yuck, but if you think about it, it’s really not much different than putting cream in your coffee.  The secret is putting it in a blender and blending it together for a few seconds. This makes a nice foamy froth at the top of the coffee. Generally, I also put a little liquid Stevia in as well for sweetening, but this is of course optional.

 

Disclaimer-  I do not use as much butter and MCT oil in my coffee as the original recipe calls for, but I find that this recipe works well for me. Feel free to experiment. 

How do you make it?

12 oz of coffee

1 TB Grass-fed Butter

1 tsp MCT oil

1 squirt liquid Stevia

Blend all ingredients in a blender on high for a few seconds, then enjoy!

 

Keto diets, in general, are great options for trying to decrease stubborn belly fat and can be a great way to kick start a healthier lifestyle.  

Although I do love BP Coffee,  I have since found it a lot easier to use Keto Kreme in my coffee in the AM for the same amazing benefits.  Keto Kreme comes in ready-to-use packs that you can tear open and pour, so you don't have to mess with the blender in the mornings.  That extra couple of minutes saved, plus not having to clean out my blender every day....it's the little things people!  

Plus there are several fun flavors to choose from- Caramel Macchiato, Sweet Kreme, Pumpkin Spice- just to name a few.   

The Stevia, MCT Oil, and (Bonus) Collagen peptides are already included in this super creamer- so I am not scrambling for all my ingredients in the AM. 

Parenting: The Fortnight Battle

Parenting: The Fortnite Battle 

If you have a child ages 7-18, I know you have heard of Fortnite. If you are like me, you have probably had long amazing ear-splitting arguments with your kids about this video game that has the ability to make kids go ape-sh*t bananas. If you have been living under a rock, let's just get you filled in. 

Let's start at the beginning. At first, I was a bit naive when my son (age 8) wanted to play.  Other kids his age were playing and although I knew it had violence in it,  I didn't feel like it was too big of a deal. In case you don't know all about this little gem, players (individually or in teams)  try to survive an end of the world apocalypse situation by gathering supplies and picking each other off. 

The big draw for my child was that while you play it, you can talk to the other people you are playing with (your team members) if you have a headset.  So $50 later, and a trip to Gamestop he was ready to roll. So unlike the Mario brothers of my day and time, the smack talk you can do during this game is not just limited to the kids that are in your living room. You can play with your friends down the street or across the world.  Welcome to 2018 right? 

My first mistake was not realizing that you could team up with anyone.  I mistakenly thought that you could just team up with the users that we gave him permission to be friends with, but in each game (the kids call those parties) you can have up to 4 players.   Let's say you have 3 players you know, then a random player can join you.  I realized this when I walked into his room, and there were grown-ass men (probably sitting in their mother's basements) using words so disgusting that I doubt sailers utter them shouting instructions at my son.  I promptly yanked the headset off my son and told them they were speaking to an 8-YEAR-OLD little boy with their filthy mouths. So after Momma broke up that little party the rule was NO RANDOM PLAYERS.  

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Then, I realized what a great deal of bullying that can go on with this game.  You can block and unblock people.  You can kick people out of the parties. Trash talking is highly encouraged.  Now, I know that kids can be mean, but for goodness sakes let's not encourage it.  Once my son was upset because a boy he played baseball with told him that he would block him if he didn't kick another boy out of a party. Seriously....I am trying to teach my kids to be kind over here!!! I think this game is just another platform to encourage this bullying.

The worst part of it all playing the game honestly seems to change my child's personality. He seems to get so engrossed in the excitement and action of the game, that he loses track of the way he is supposed to act.   He would be screaming at the TV like a psychopath then screaming at me when I would tell him it was time to quit playing. At my house, yelling at your Momma is a felony charge.  I know we are blessed to live in a country where were is a democracy and due process in all that, but those same rules do not apply inside my house. My house is much like an episode of Judge Judy where she is especially salty, and if you piss off the Judge with a felony like yelling at your Momma, I don't even want to get into what sort of things my children have to start going without (like iPads and Netflix...gasp!) 

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 I hate to be that mom. I know you can't shield your kids from the world and all the ugly in it. Normally that is not my parenting style, but after about 4 or 5 different times that he violated the few rules I had set up for him, I was time for me to put my foot down.   I told him he couldn't play for 3 weeks. Honestly, it was tough, and my resolve got weak at times. It didn't help that most of his other friends were continuing to play and telling him about it at school.   Momming ain't easy though, so I stuck to my guns. Eventually, he quit whining about it. Especially because everytime he asked, I said NO.   It started to get fun because I was trying to come up with how many different ways I could say no. #no #itsano #nope #noway #nothankyou #Idontthinkso #notgonnahappen

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The personality change was almost immediate. After 24 hours, my sweet kid was back.  I hadn't seen him a lot since he discovered Fornite. At the 3 week mark, he thought he was getting it back. Although I told him it was a 3-week hiatus, I decided that his overall attitude had improved so much that there was no way in HELL we were going back. You see, I AM THE PARENT, and I still get to make decisions as I see fit, even if they are unpopular. 

We are 2 years into our Fortnite rehab program and the cravings have subsided for the most part. There might be kids out there that can play it and not go nine kinds of crazy, but my kid just wasn't one of them. So parents out there, I urge you to pay close attention if your kids are still playing. Be. The. Parent.

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The Unspoken Rules of Choosing a Bathing Suit

... Well, I'm back...... (insert creepy voice here)!   Its been way too long since I have gotten to blog about Mommyhood.  Actually fair readers, I come to you begging for forgiveness, because I have officially made a mistake.  (Josh Bailey better write that down, because I make so very few.)

Last year around this time of year I wrote a post about the great bikini debate. After much ado, I had decided that I was just going to continue to rock a bikini for as long as I didn't get arrested for public indecency.   Well folks, let me just testify that the antidepressants I was on at the time must have been of superb quality.  I find myself standing at the brink of summer again with the same question on my mind..     Wear a bikini...or fold my cards and just accept that I have reached an AGE/BODY limiting time in my life where that is no longer appropriate. Lets settle this once and for all.

The rules for choosing your suit....



1. Use the same fashion advise you use when trying on clothes and apply that to swimsuit shopping.

Okay- seems reasonable. So in general, I know that when I shop for clothes, I try to cover the parts that I think look the worst and emphasize my best assets. So when I think about it......HELLO, a bikini is actually the exact opposite thing I need to be wearing. Ever since my second child spent all 9 months sitting on my bladder- it has given my stomach below my belly button the appearance of a deflated balloon. Nobody wants to look at that....hell, not even me. Bikini 0, Not 1



2. Wear the appropriate outfit for the activity you will be doing.

So my days of lounging in a beach chair using baby oil as a pretend sunscreen are over. If we go to the pool, there is very little chance I will be lying still with my arms stretched over my head (which is the only position that my body looks acceptable in a bikini. Nowadays I am generally bending, squatting, jumping, and doing other various contortionist moves to chase after my kids,  Once I tried on a bikini in Dillard's and did the jump and squat test. I got a little nauseated, the attendant in Dillard's got a little freaked out that there was someone jumping and squatting in the dressing room. All in all, the cover it up wins.



3. Figure out why this is such a big deal to you...

I have this complex that officially retiring my bikini is the end of my youth. Why is that, you say?   Mostly because every time I tell my mom that think I am not wearing a bikini this year, she says something to the effect of, "Well, if you are not going to wear a bikini, you might as well not even put on a bathing suit. Maybe they make a swim moo moo you can buy."   This is largely her feeling about life because she is a child of the 70's that values minimal swimsuit coverage and starving yourself skinny. When I look back at pictures taken back in her day, girls were all skinny. Almost freakishly skinny.  Well guess what Karen, I'm from generation X/Y. We have figured out how delightful it is not the be starving.  Women now don't get to spend there postpartum period at home doing jazzercise tapes and toning their thighs along with Suzanne Summers. I waited until the end of my 11 hour work day to waddle down to labor and delivery and squeeze out my first kid, then 6 weeks later I was back at it.  Its a totally different ballgame now. New rules! New Bodies!

Does this scary anyone else??????

4. Life is too short to wear uncomfortable clothes

Somewhere in the last several years I have adopted a new life motto which is....

"Life is too short to wear non stretchy pants."   I think that all of us ladies should unite and take a vow we will never buy another pair of uncomfortable pants again. The menfolk did it some time ago and look at how far it has gotten them in life. Likewise, bathing suits should be comfortable, stretchy, and shouldn't require you to suck in your stomach the entire time you wear them. To test out this theory, I wore a tankini the other day for a quick (CHILLY) dip with my kids.  Not once, did I think about whether or not my stomach was jiggling or my muffin top was showing. It was actually kind of freeing to know that my body can actually look like a mothers body should look underneath my swimsuit and IT'S NO ONES BUSINESS BUT MY OWN!



5. Don't Over Think It

Great advice you say from someone that I has spent the last several years arguing with the voices in her head on whether or not to where a two piece. In all seriousness though, like most things in life, it is all about confidence. Have you ever seen some of the sh*t that models in the fashion industry wear?  How come they can wear something complete ridiculous and convince everyone that its a trend.....CONFIDENCE!   If you THINK you look good in whatever attire you have on, then that good JUJU is going make you look good no matter what you are wearing.

Talk about bringing the shoulder pads back

So what I am going to wear this year....Hell I don't know.  I went to the pool last weekend in my brand new tankini and found that I might as well been wearing a straight jacket with a chastity belt on it. I think me and one Grandmother where the only ones not in a bikini that day.  I felt quite overdressed!



Moral of the story, whatever you decide this year, just make sure you feel good in it and then rock that SH*T!!!!